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- Mike pence, 06:53 05.03-19
- The alarms blared and whirled. “CODE RED!” “CODE RED!” They screamed.
Michael Richard Pence, Vice President of the United States of America, flung his paperwork in the air, adrenaline instantly coursing through his veins at the sound of the ominous alarms. Could it be? he thought. Has the time finally come?
With out a second thought, Michael left his office, running through corridor after corridor of the White House. This moment was what he had trained for. All of his planning, all of his damned waiting, it was for this. Oh God...how he had waited.
He burst through Oval Office doors, drenched in fatigue and his heart pounding with agonizing hope. Inside the room he saw exactly what he had longed for- Michaels rock, his anchor, his Mr. President.
“Mr. President” Michael said, his heart fluttering with anticipation. “You called for me?”
Mr. President spread his legs open wide like a papaya, ready to be feasted upon at any given time. Waiting- no aching to be eaten ravenously.
“SUCKY COCKY COCKY!” Mr. President wailed.
Michael nearly sank to the floor as his legs wobbled. His now stiff cock whispered in his ear like an all-knowing worm. It knew what he desired in his heart of hearts. Oh, how is withered and tangled in the mechanisms of his mind.
“I-I-I...thought you’d never ask.” Michael said, licking his lips. “I’ve waited so-“
“SUCKY....COCKY!!” Screeched the little orange man. “AND DO THE VOICE!!!!Michaels face went red. He smiled bashfully. This is why he loved his president. The initiative, the drive, the confidence, the sheer command and dominance in his voice...it was everything that turned Michael on. He would sucky Mr. Presidents cocky cocky. Oh, that he would.
“Of couwse Mr. Pwesident.” He goo’d and ga’d. “I would do anytwing fowr you.” And like that, Michaels massive schlong flung from his zipper, breaking free of the zippers.
Mr. President stared, his little mouth open wide with amazement. Michael pounced, tearing off Mr. President clothes and revealing the beautiful body that lay beneath. He caressed the thick, orange strands of chest hair as he ran his finger along the cellulite of Mr. Presidents thick legs. Papaya and cottage cheese all in one day? This really is a treat, Michael thought smugly. “You wike dat Mr. Pwesident?”
“SAY THE WORDS!!!” Mr. President blubbered in between thrusts.
Michael pushed in “Make Amewica Gweat Again” he whispered softly into the hollering orangutans ear.
“HARDER! LOUDER!!” Screamed Mr. President.
“Vewy vewy wich.” One thrust. “Gwobal wawming is a mwyth.” Second thrust. “Hiwwary Cwinton is a nasty woman.” Third thrust. “Fox Newssssss.” Another thrust, and another, AND ANOTHER.
“NEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH” Howled an orgasming Mr. President, his juices flying around the Oval Office like fighter jet planes.
Michael felt himself about to cum too. “GAWD ALMWIGHTY!” He groaned as he came, his throbbing cock wrapping around Mr. Presidents own worm like the lover he was.
“WAHHH WAHHH!” Mr. President cried.
Of course! Michael thought. Mr. President always likes to be cradled after a good fucking. He picked up the crying man from the table, still naked and covered in semen from head to toe. “Don’t cwy, don’t cwy” Michael whispered, and dabbed Mr. Presidents eyes with a napkin.
Slowly, Mr. Presidents little eyes drifted off into sweet, sweet dream land.
- Steve Harvey, 06:49 05.03-19
- Steve Harvey: "What is something two consenting adults do in a bed without clothes?"
Steve Harvey: stumbles backward and falls, his consciousness fading: "Oh baby Jesus"
gets back up unsteadily and soaked in sweat and vigorously slams the table
"y'all are messed up"
bashes head against the table
With blood covering his face, he manages, "survey says:"
Sex comes up as #1. Steve lets out a blood curdling scream, then starts hobbling off set. 30 seconds later, a gunshot echoes throughout the studio, silencing all laughter.
After a few minutes, a production member comes out and announces the show will continue with him as the host, to uproarious applause.
New Host: "Name something that makes a man's voice deep." Contestant, smirking: "Crown Jewels"
Beads of sweat form on the new host's head. For several minutes, he merely stares at the contestant, who is grinning from her answer. Then, in a fit of primal rage, he pulls out a pair of scissors and starts stabbing the contestant to death.
For 3 minutes, the new host screams as he plunges the scissors in and out of the now lifeless contestant's body. After his final stab, he gets up, covered in blood, and says in a horrifyingly calm voice...
crown jewels comes up as #1
The new host starts screaming an unbearable scream, then runs to the off set, returning a minute later with a blood splatttered pistol. He begins his scream again, going for 2 minutes with the gun pointed at his head, stopping only when the second gunshot of the night goes off. As the new host's insides come flying out and his body is flung to the floor, the theme song starts playing, zooming out on the now empty studio.
Only the dead body of the new host remains in the middle of the stage, serving a reminder of the cost of the Feud.
- gay boy(boards.4channel.org/mu/thread/86299656), 06:33 05.03-19
- Daddy 👨 touches ✋ my 👧 thicc ass 🍑
He 👨 tells 🗣️ me 👧 I'm a pretty 👸 lass
Puts his penis 🍆 in ➡️🍑⬅️ my butt 🤤😫😥
Oh my god ➕, I'm such a slut! 💃💦
Mommy 👩 sees 👀😲 us, and she's mad 😡😠😤
"I'm sorry 😓😔hun, the sex 🍑🍆💦 was bad!" 👎🔚
Mommy pulls out ⬆️ guns 🔫 akimbo 🔫👩🔫
Because she hates 😲😠 her little bimbo 👧
The Cummies 💦 are dripping ⬇️💧from my hole 🍑
I can't 🙅 stop working 😩😫💪 on Daddy's 👨 pole 💈😫
Mommy 👩 shoots 🔫, her shots all miss 😂
Daddy 👨 and I 👩 share a special ☄️ kiss 💋
One ☝️ round left 👈, Mommy 👩 takes the gun 🔫
She rests 💤 the barrel 🛢️ on her tongue 👅
"Goodbye 👋 world 🌍, and goodbye 👋 cheater! 👨
I hope you're happy ☺️😄 with your stupid 📖🚫 wife 👩 beater!" 👊
The gun 🔫 goes bang 💥, Mommy 👩 dies 💀☠️⚰️
But we 👨👧 don't 🚫 care, Daddy 👨 just sighs 🌬️😤
No 🚫 thoughts 💭 in her 👩 head 💆, no 🚫 blood 💉 in her heart ➡️♥️⬅️,
"That stupid 📖🚫 whore 💃 can't 🚫 tear us apart." 💖💕💓
- hou, 06:30 05.03-19
- I agree, guns are for pussies. People don’t need them. I prefer to use medieval weaponry. About a week ago, some 4 young urchins were attempting to rob my manor when I came down on them with my halberd. I managed to split one down the middle, but I couldn’t lift it to fight the other 3. My chainmail blocked their blows and let me make the flight of my stairs to my ballista. As they ran up, I fired the wooden beast nailing two to the wall. The last one spared no chance, as I laid hands on the claymore I keep on my coat of arms. I first cut him on the sword arm and laughed as I beheaded him, knowing I needed no guns to defend myself or my property.
- Big red, 05:55 05.03-19
- I was RAPED once.
I was a 16 YEAR OLD VIRGIN LIBERAL and one night I was walking home from the library. FRIGHTENED I took a shortcut down A DARK ALLEY. I heard a SINISTER LAUGH and BEN SHAPIRO jumped out from behind a trash can! "Well well," he sneered, "looks like the INVISIBLE HAND has ensured that my DEMAND is met by your SUPPLY. What a TRIUMPH OF THE FREE MARKET..."
I said capital always accumulates in the hands of the wealthy, but to no avail. He just laughed and whipped out his THROBBING 12 CHAPTER TREATISE. He shoved me roughly against the wall and started filling my ear with STEAMY CITATIONS. I struggled but got SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH ROCK HARD DATA for my efforts.
MEWLING AND WHIMPERING I tried to check his privilege. He just bellowed, "YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY CONCLUSIONS FIRMER!" I started to explain power theory and he RAMMED MY OWN WORDS DOWN MY THROAT. My premises and spirit broken, I couldn't get a word in edgewise because I was GAGGING ON SLIMY MEATY ARGUMENTS.
It was awful. His HUGE ARGUMENT was TOO BIG to fit inside my TIGHT VIRGIN BRAIN. Some of the founder facts he PULLED OUT only to immediately JAM BACK INSIDE. It seemed to go on forever but finally, FORCING ME OPEN, his PENETRATING ARGUMENT came to a CLIMAX. It was agony as ROUND AFTER ROUND of THICK ROPY FACTS and HOT STICKY LOGIC were PUMPED DEEP INSIDE me.
Weeping, I lay in a PUDDLE OF STINKING NEOCON RHETORIC. I didn't see where he went, but BEN SHAPIRO'S VIRILE IDEAS had been irresistibly PLANTED DEEP INSIDE me. I tried to abort the memory, but NINE MONTHS LATER I was BORN AGAIN CONSERVATIVE.
This is my truth. POUND ME TOO!
- Moto, 05:51 05.03-19
- Chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky I like them big, I like them chunky (Chunky) I like them big, I like them plumpy (Plumpy) I like them round, with something, something (Something) They like my sound, they think I'm funky (Funky) My name is Moto Moto, yeah, say it Say it, girl, Moto, Moto Say it again, Moto, Moto I'm nice and smooth, so nice and sassy (Sassy) None of the hippo's here Don't wanna get next to me I like them chunky Chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky And plumpy Plumpy, plumpy, plumpy, plumpy, plumpy
- bhhh, 05:46 05.03-19
- I was secretly staring at my crush in class as I usually do, but then I started to get hornier and hornier until I reached my apex, my maximum threshold. I had no choice, but to carefully slide my phone down my pocket and ask the teacher to go to the bathroom. She's that teacher who never lets you go to the bathroom, but for some reason, she said yes this one time. I carefully walked to the door. When I got out of the classroom I went into full Usain bolt mode and rushed to the bathroom. When I got into the bathroom I pulled out my phone faster than any man has ever pulled out a phone before. I opened the PornHub app (yes I have the app). I went into my favorites list and found the perfect video. It was a video of a prison officer SLAM DUNKIN' two prostitutes. I'll give link if u want. I went full maximum overdrive on that dick, I beat my dick like no man has beaten anything before, I beat my dick like my dad beats me (w-wait wot). Within about 3 minutes I nutted on the wall with the sound of gunfire. Just imagine the juggernaut drive from highschool dxd just bustin' a nut. It pretty much looked like a lama had spit on the wall. I went back to class like nuttin' ever happened (heh u get it. nuttin instead of nothing. Anyone, ok, sry).. And the best part is. No one ever knew it was me. 1 year later there is still a mystery about the guy who nutted on the wall inside the school bathroom. It was a rumor that the maid refused to clean it up which I can't really be surprised at, like jeez she ain't gonna be paid minimum wage to clean up the sperm of a student. Like, hell naw. There is still nut stains on the wall to this very day.
- Shrek, 05:44 05.03-19
- Pewdiepie, 05:38 05.03-19
- Subscribe to Pediepie
kill T gay
- bhhjhjhjj, 05:31 05.03-19
- Jet fuel can't melt steel beams bush did 911
- gay boy(4chan), 05:11 04.03-19
- The holocaust never happened and jews melted steel beams
- gay boy, 05:11 04.03-19
- Hitler did nothing wrong
- Mia, 05:00 04.03-19
- Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh?
You got a boyfriend, I bet he doesn't kiss ya (Mwah!)
He gon' find another girl and he won't miss ya
He gon' skrrt and hit the dab like Wiz Khalifa
- Good boy, 04:57 04.03-19
- Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to my mom but I’m literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.
- Pepe(4chan), 09:38 02.03-19
- Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendys.
Spend my hard-earned good-boy points,
on Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints.
Mummy lifts me to the car,
To find me tendies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats,
in comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies none remains.
She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy.
Tendies are the only food,
That puts me in the napping mood.
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by raging, hungry fire.
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries.
My good-boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned.
But there's no tendies on my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling into her eyes,
My foul, bowel-dwelling diaper surprise.
For she who is un-pooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders.